this is simply for me to organize my thoughts before i go to bed. it's been a long 3 weeks.

tomarrow, i must:
-wake up
-shower
-go to the art store and buy canson and foam board
-eat something
-go to class and draw, for 3 hours as usual
-go to art history
-hope it's nice out and come home, grab my space box's and go back to school. it's supposed to rain, which may warrent me on the T with a 16" foam board cube. people are gonna love me.
-go to 3d and be productive
-come home, eat something again. it'll be around 9:15 when i get home so food first
-get some design issues done. brainstorming. I may do some before bed tonight
-try to stay off the internet to avoid ambiguity of...the internet?
-figure out where housing services is and whether or not they can help me.
-relax and try to go to sleep before 3am. it won't happen, but i can try.

Then, on tuesday this must happen:

-wake up and shower, etc.
-design issues class
-probably eat something
-figure it all out
-come home, grab books, go to Integrated Studies
-inquire about housing and put whatever info i need to in
-it'd be nice if i went to make up my drawing stuff
-work on 3d and design issues if needed
-figure it all out if it's not figured out

my family came up today, it was my mom's birthday. we got in a pretty decent fight yesterday, which upset me as usual, but she was in a good mood and we talked about how things need to happen in the near future (concerning next semester, the summer, etc.). I was left with an overall clear head, and I feel a bit better about everything that has been bothering me in recent weeks. I think, in reality, this year needs to end and I need to go home. As much as i don't want to, it may need to happen. I don't do change well at all and i know this, but i haven't been happy the last few weeks and i'd like to be for a little while.

I sent a postcard into postSecret. I'll let you know if it's on the site or something.

I'm also done being nervous and rediculous. We're all human, and in all honesty the initial amazement has worn off. I know I may be lying slightly, but it's all in prepairing for the worst, and the summer, and whatever lies ahead. What's meant to happen will happen, and I'm not going to help myself by planning every move and creating a persona that doesn't exist in real life to get what I want. It won't happen.

So in conclusion, I'm in a bummer mood. I got some good new music today, and yesterday, which made me happy, but I still need a solid, consistent life to pull me out of this slump for a little while. I need familiar, i need the same, I think i need home. I would love to stay here, but i need to do this in steps. next summer.

so i'll keep living, it's all anyone can do. I'll keep enjoying, and i'll keep creating, because that's what we're about. that's me. I'll also have my ipod on for the whole day tomarrow, i'm in a music mood and although nothing can top listening to the trapeze swinger with kaci, i have about 30 new albums to go through.

just take me deep outpast the lights
nothing dims these stars