whoosh

i'm feeling pretty not-so-good right now. just went to see a movie, and life's been pretty good, but i'm feeling terrible. there's just a lot of loose ends right now i guess, and i hate it. not like, good loose ends where i can see everything working out soon and i know what needs to happen, but strange things that i don't even comprehend. I hate having no real job, i have no income, i've been not working on the house because i can't paint when it's going to rain, i'm sick of worrying about my weight again, and i feel like i have no friends right now at all. i feel alone, and i don't like the feeling.

so i read. i read a lot these days, just looking for answers to questions i've never had. and I worry about gaining all the weight i worked so hard to loose as i can't just eat when i want like i did at school. and i try to put it all to music, but i can't write music so it doesn't matter.

here's what i'm gonna do: tomarrow, i'm going to start (or resume) my diet, i'm going to work on the house and make a little money, i'm going to fill my gas tank, and mow the lawn. i'm going to work on the pickguard for the guitar, and i'm going to go for a bike ride. i'd love to rebuild some relationships with friends, but it doesn't seem like they've fallen apart, rather been outgrown. i don't know, i feel outcasted in my own skin. tomarrow, i'm going to make it the start of a new everything. amen to that, goodnight.