The semester's almost over. I'm getting ready to go home for 5 weeks, and do basically nothing. I believe Boston's starting to loose it's magic. This city was one of such personal growth last year. Now, it's a mess. It's like I was built here, and now that I want to leave I'm being dissasembled, out of selfishness. Truth is I don't care where I am, I just want to be happy. I've been what feels like depressed and miserable for a decent amount of time. I think half of that time was spent denying I wasn't happy, then the other half was spent feeling the full force of it.

This isn't normal life! Normal life is the beach and the grass. It's braving the cold at this time of year to see every single star in the sky reflect on long island sound. Normal life is Wal-Mart and Dennys, with a flicker of electronic-tinged folk music and an old Chevy Blazer. Normal life for me, anyways, is being happy. And I'm not.

Love clothing is going amazing. I've been laxidazical because I felt the first shirt a failure, I don't like it. But with a new shipment comes new ideas and a new chance. We're getting distributed to georgia...I've got bands asking for shirts and design work... I should be happy.

I basically don't know whats wrong with me. I'm apparently going to the doctor asap when i get home to check for chemical imbalances from my weigh loss. I doubt it's that. I think I know exactly what's wrong, and I think I know exactly how to fix it. But every time I act on what I think, shit hits the fan harder and longer then the last time. Apparently, fixing takes time, and fixing takes money. Prayers, they're always there to keep me sane, they're my coffee and cigarettes. Church was amazing Sunday. I just don't know what to do.